A knowledgeable asshole told me the other day that people can never forget their first loves and surely, I had a reason to believe that. Things changed so quickly and years have past since we've last spoken, yet I still think of him at every given chance. It was the familiar feeling of being lost that got me thinking about him. I found someone who greatly resembled him and the thought of being close, but far with the person I loved and always will love, put me at a loss.

eating mcdonalds

organizing showering matterial

march 6th

2008/2009

seeing his name in my diary

having fragmented memories lead back to him

hurting

missing him

hating that I don't remember how our conversations went while we were close

wishing these memories would stay close, but having them slip away like everything else..

Lately, I have been dealing with this weird pain in my chest. It feels as though my heart just randomly expanded. It happens once in a while, irregularly. Usually when it gets late at night. I want to be fearless. Unrelenting. No regrets. Have everything in control. Can I really wait that long? >:

Songs always remind me of the period of time when I listened to them the most. There are a lot of foolish things I did that year. 2009? I think that was it. I don't remember the order things came in at all, it's all become so blurry lately. 2008? I can't remember, I really can't.

Wen wanted to listen to my voice. I believed a liar. End.

Twilight .

Skinny jeans and heavy jackets.

2lbs of chocolate .

no it was right this time of the year, I remember Halloween .

Depressed. That's how things went .

Anything could take me away if they wanted to, but no one wanted to .

Damon Parker . Wishes. Hollywood Undead.

How did it end? Reedview. McNuggets. Shower. Placing all those shampoos and things onto a rack. The first and only time I ever talked to him on the phone. March 6th, that ended too. or was it the 9th? Funeral. End.

Evan is a mother fucker. Midnight. No one there is good . One blue rose, me. One red rose, him. Bad luck . Or so I thought. Stalking. Scary. Mei. Diamond Plaza. Delete. End.

Feelings quickly pushed away. FM. Quitting. Stopping. Helping. Stuck like glue we were. Anniversaries. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. Or 7, I think. Sweetness. Love. EVERYDAY OF HAPPINESS . Then... Jealousy. Fights. Cold war. Phone problems. That too, regretfully ended.

That was it, I think. what I can remember the most. Everything that stood out in my mind about the foolish years I've listened to this song.